Say It Right: The art of feedback at work
“Feedback turns good into better and better into best.” – Frank Sonnenberg
Giving and receiving performance feedback at work isn’t always easy.
Performance feedback sits at the heart of how people improve at work, yet it’s one of the areas many managers struggle to get right.
It’s not usually a lack of intent. Most leaders want to support their teams and help people perform at their best. But, in practice, feedback can feel forced, uncomfortable, easy to delay, or difficult to land well.
At its best, feedback closes the gap between where someone is and where they could be. It gives clarity – not just on what isn’t working, but on what to do next. Done well, feedback improves performance, surfaces issues earlier, and strengthens relationships rather than damaging them.
For leaders, it can also unlock something many organisations already have but don’t fully utilise insight from within their own teams. When people feel able to speak honestly and openly, you get better intel.
Why does it often go wrong
The opposite is also true. When feedback is inconsistent, poorly delivered, or avoided altogether, performance can quietly be impacted. People disengage, hold back ideas, and become more cautious about how they contribute. Over time, that caution builds, and what was once a high-performing environment starts to feel more muted and less ambitious.
Part of the challenge is that feedback sits close to identity. Most people don’t separate what they do from who they are, so when feedback feels personal, unclear or unfair, it can trigger defensiveness.
The issue is rarely the message itself, but how it’s delivered. Feedback that is vague, rushed, or shaped by frustration rarely helps. The same is true when it focuses on the person rather than the behaviour or points out problems without offering a way forward.
Very little of this is often intentional by leaders. It’s usually a product of habit, pressure, or a lack of confidence in handling the conversation. But the impact can last.
The good news is that most of this is fixable.
How to give feedback that actually helps
At its core, good feedback is useful. It’s clear, timely and actionable. Without that, it can quickly feel like judgment rather than support.
A few basic things can make a real difference:
Be clear on your intent: People can tell when feedback comes from frustration rather than a genuine desire to help. If the aim is to improve performance, the conversation feels more measured and constructive. A brief pause to check your intent can change how the message lands.
Get the timing and setting right: Where and when feedback happens matters. A rushed comment, or something said in the wrong setting, can do more harm than the issue itself. The best conversations happen when both sides are calm, the details are still fresh, and there’s space to talk it through.
Focus on the work, not the person: The moment feedback shifts from what someone did to what they are, it becomes harder to hear and even harder to act on. Keeping it grounded in specific behaviours or decisions makes it more useful and reduces defensiveness.
Respect the risk when asking for feedback: The same principles apply in reverse. When you ask for feedback, you’re asking someone to be honest, and potentially to challenge you. How you respond matters. If you listen and take it seriously, people will do it again. If you dismiss or defend, they won’t.
Developing the skill: For many leaders, feedback is something they’ve had to learn on the job. It’s rarely taught in a structured way, despite being a core part of leading people. That’s where focused development can make a difference. Our Combined ILM Level 5 and Level 7 Certificate in Effective Coaching and Mentoring is designed to build these skills in a practical, applied way. The focus isn’t just on understanding feedback, but on practising it, working through real conversations, with support and reflection.
The flipside: receiving feedback
It’s easy to focus on how to give feedback, but receiving it well matters just as much.
As people move into leadership roles, honest feedback often becomes harder to access. People filter what they say or avoid saying it altogether. Over time, that creates blind spots. Leaders who actively seek feedback (and show they can handle it!) tend to be more effective. They adapt faster, make better decisions, and build stronger teams.
In practice, that means asking for input regularly, listening without immediately defending or explaining, and acting on what’s been shared. It also means recognising that speaking up carries risk. If people don’t feel safe, they won’t do it.
Feedback has the power to shape more than performance. It influences how people feel about their work, how confident they are to contribute, and how willing they are to keep improving. When it’s handled well, it builds trust and momentum. When it isn’t, it creates hesitation and distance. The difference comes down to how those conversations are handled and how consistently they happen.
